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"I have lots of ideas. No other time but to see how human nature really shines, am I right? Even sex has to be approached from, shall we say, a different angle to accommodate pain. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. This cookie expires after 30 minutes but the timer is reset if the visitor visits a new page on the site before the cookie expires. The v1st cookie is set by TripAdvisor to collect details about how visitors use the website, by displaying user reviews, awards and information received on the TripAdvisor community. Im tired of this shit. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. "There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. This narrative is based on a deliberate fiction. Lobbying, to get what they want. "Atheism is a non-prophet organization. ", 51. This is the best we can do folks. I think. Now one of his most famous routines has swept the internet a dozen years after his death. After that, they don't want to know about you. ", 50. George Carlin. They don't want to hear from you. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. - George Carlin. Take George Carlin, for example. The rights and the rights of property. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this weeks reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. ", 9. the politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. "Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? This cookie is set by Prebid Server. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. ", 108. ", 27. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. The people are fucked. George Carlin, Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. ", 76. Carlin was a New York City-based stand-up comedian, social critic, writer, and actor, best known for his unconventional and vulgar comedy routines. Set by addthis.com to determine the usage of addthis.com service. Honestly, I'd lean towards anarchist. So I don't trust none of them. ", 14. "In America, anyone can become president. It helps in improving the performance. "Men are from. School officials told the couple that they present an inherent harm to kids.. Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. I think I need to show them that I have brought myself to a cleverer, smarter spot than they have.". Ice Cube visits the "Sway in the Morning" show with Sway Calloway on Shade 45 at SiriusXM Studios on December 07, 2018, in New York City. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. Our country is failing because the majority of the people are selfish. ", 122. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' They dont fall out of the sky. NID cookie, set by Google, is used for advertising purposes; to limit the number of times the user sees an ad, to mute unwanted ads, and to measure the effectiveness of ads. I don't have to tell you my favorite comedian just like I don't have to say my favorite meal to tell the chef his food sucks. "Everyone smiles in the same language. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. You have no choice. ", 64. ", 101. "Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice? 41. Now come the lawsuits, Weird Texas GOP bill would give big tax cuts only to hetero couples with lots of kids, Libs Of TikToks Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, 5 times The Onion brilliantly skewered J.K. Rowlings & The New York Times transphobia, A right-wing podcaster tried to smear Pete Buttigieg. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. 28. r/antiwork. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you - YouTube 0:00 / 0:37 George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you ThreeToedPete 955 subscribers Subscribe 502 Share 35K. An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this week's reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. Theyre not interested in that. F*ck Hope. Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". "The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. It was during the waning of the Nixon years, where confidence in government was beginning its slide down to the Stygian depths where it rests today; the Vietnam War, and racial unrest, continued to rage on. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. In 1972, he was arrested for violating obscenity laws after his infamous comedy sketch, 7 Words You Can Never Say On Television. Nothing changed. "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. The cookies contains information that allows Prebid servers to distinguish between browsers and mobile devices. 'George Carlin - Life Is Worth LosingRecorded 5 Nov 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New YorkReleased: January 10, 2006Audio-visual content monetised by copyright claimant, MPI Media Jesse Kelly wanted to whip his followers into homophobic outrage, but it sure AF didnt work. They don't fall out of the sky. "Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town. "That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. You will be notified via email when a new post is published. ", 57. These current events and social issues that are relevant today . The great American comedian George Carlin died on June 22, 2008 at the age of 71. Part of HuffPost Entertainment. ", 54. If a dog can do it, you can watch. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). This cookie is set by Facebook to display advertisements when either on Facebook or on a digital platform powered by Facebook advertising, after visiting the website. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? The truth is, we dont have people like that. May 12, 1937 June 22, 2008. George Carlin quotes and jokes about politics and religion "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. Elect me. Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. "Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. The legendary comic, who died in 2008 at the age of 71, is also the subject of an upcoming two-part documentary, George Carlins American Dream, which debuts on HBO Max later this month: By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. George Carlin quotes are hilarious. This gif says it all: Carlins performance is being passed around on social media after a leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court indicates that Roe v. Wade may soon be overturned, paving the way for abortion to be outlawed in parts of the nation. December 2, 2015, 3:27 PM. "Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f**k.", 71. . This cookie is installed by Google Universal Analytics to restrain request rate and thus limit the collection of data on high traffic sites. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. This cookie is set by the provider Mixcloud. In the standup special, which premiered just three years before Carlin's death, the comedian claims that "the real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions." "Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. ", 72. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Its because volunteers work for no pay. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. You don't. You have no choice! -George Carlin There you are. But once you're born, you're on your own. "'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. Over time, though, his success grew. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. He has written many books full of brutally honest sayings and jokes, like Brain Droppings, When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?, Last Words, and more. Everyone Practices Cancel Culture | Opinion, Deplatforming Free Speech is Dangerous | Opinion. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. It will not be with jack-boots. Try spelling Evian backward. ", 121. You have owners. ", 75. "Politicians are there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. "Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. Check out100 Best Dad Jokes50 Thinking of You Quotes50 Friday Quotes50 Monday Motivation Quotes101Bad Puns200Jokes for Kids, Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television. This cookie is set by DoubleClick and is used for re-targeting, optimisation, reporting and attribution of online adverts. This cookie store anonymous user idnetifier to determine whether a visitor had visited before, or if its a new visit. "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? ", 112. Facebook sets this cookie to show relevant advertisements to users by tracking user behaviour across the web, on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin. ", 47. Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. You throw out the first three commandments, wssst! No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. "People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. After that, they dont want to know about you. "I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the s**t out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. Yeah, the public sucks. ", 58. . "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. Here is one I would suggest: 'Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? ", 36. The domain of this cookie is owned by Nielsen. The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. It will not be with jack-boots. He died from heart failure in 2008, survived by his second wife Sally Wade, and his daughter, Kelly. George Carlin, I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. You and I are not in The Big Club. The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. You ever notice that? ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. "Dont just teach your children to read. You don't. You have no choice. Going after racists, sexists, fascists, and aiming to bring those who try to restrict freedom to justice. ", 111. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read. "A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. Contents 1 Quotes 1.1 FM & AM (1972) When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. Google DoubleClick IDE cookies are used to store information about how the user uses the website to present them with relevant ads and according to the user profile. '", 78. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously. ", 3. Theyll get it. ", 74. "There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. You have owners. If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZijLQGH1v0 No, wait, hold on . Thats the problem. That's generally been true. "I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. They dont want to hear from you. Amen and Awomen. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? "I don't have pet peeves. They want your fuckin retirement money. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube George speaking the truth. What if I want to have a crappy day? Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". They should be more vivid. ", 16. You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual? They own everything" "They've. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. ", 46. This is set on the first visit of the visitor to the site and updated on subsequent visits. "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? ", 119. This cookie is managed by Amazon Web Services and is used for load balancing. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. They are irrelevant. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. He famously said he didn't vote, so he couldn't be to blame for whatever shit show we got ourselves into. 'He's two' will do just fine. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. ", 66. These days, 'Trajedi. This cookie is used to detect and defend when a client attempt to replay a cookie.This cookie manages the interaction with online bots and takes the appropriate actions. They own you. People are stupid because, well, people are stupid. They dont want that. I have major psychotic f**king hatreds. He's not a cheese. If you think too much, you will be left behind by everyone. It even sparked a legal case with the U.S. Supreme Court! ", 81. A provocative new photo shoot has the trolls losing their minds alongside the likes of Noel Gallagher, Bob Geldof, and Azealia Banks.